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Monday, September 11, 2006

I am getting a 150 shilling dog

My neighbour seriously believes in superstition. I have learnt never to argue with her on such matters. Coz, the last time she triumphed even though it turned out rather ugly, she was content she had made a point. 

 I had to buy Agi some deep sleep enhancers so that the nites (almost 60 days) could be spent peacefully-It’s spooky witnessing someone having a bad dream.

Anyway, my neighbour gave me a dog about three months ago and the poor thing didn’t last a week. A cute rural dog!

-It had no traces of mixed blood, It loved to piss on the tiles in my lounge, It was comfortable staying out doors, It never liked cozy soft ruggy comforts.

Every day I almost slid because the tiles were wet. Spanking this dog (Basawad, Jsande and other animal lovers out there, I thought this was necessary, but spanking didn’t help at all. This dog just loved the pristine appearance of the tiles. So much that it could peep from across the Kitchen; find the moment when I was totally engrossed in the racing game to tiptoe to piss on the tiles. Oh well, It’s almost like I miss this dog, this ranting!

Mama nini, my neighbour, gave me the dog and asked me for 200 shs. That’s absurd! I asked her.  She said if I didn’t give her the shs. 200 something bad would happen to the dog. I laughed the whole matter aside but each day she saw me she insisted I give her the shs. 200. I told her that if she wanted me to pay for the dog I would give her some sum but not a mere 200. Of course she refused, fumed about her relation to me being too dear for me to buy the dog but was only doing that for the love of the dog’s life. I still never gave her the shs.200.

The dog died. It was mauled by a rabid wanderer. Torn to threads, wrung by its neck till its innards swung this way and its body the other. The dog’s wails woke the whole community who converged to watch the kill. Blood everywhere. With no one courageous enough to stop the carnage So when the rabid wanderer let the dog go…it rose on rickety legs, its bloodshot eyes looked straight at Agi and it walked in a swayed motion to her, dragging its innards between its legs, yelping softly in a kind of relief. Realizing that after all the suffering, the little dog remembered her and was coming to her to heal it, maybe, or ease its pain somewhat. Agi collapsed! The rabid wanderer came in again in somehow snatched the little dog and Ran into the bushes.

Mama nini helped me carry Agi into the house. She was now thinking of counter-actions, but you wouldn’t want to encourage her in that area. So started Agi’s nights of zombie hosting. Now, mama nini wants to give me a new dog. I have already paid her shs.150 in advance. Don’t ask me why…I didn’t bother either…

Except, Sunday saw me sowing maize, it had rained overnight. A few of us like to muse over farming but you should have seen the number of chaps who came to tell me they don’t dig on Sundays.

16:10 Posted in Stuff I cannot see | Permalink | Comments (12) | Email this

Comments

Oooh, I am shedding tears already. Just yesterday my neighbor's pitbull mauled a 12 year old kid and the puppy she was walking with. Needless to say the pitbull was put to sleep and the owner charged. What if they had confered with Mama nini...what if...

Posted by: jkb | Monday, September 11, 2006

Well done, UNDO! Almost a believable story save that a bachelor like wouldn't accept 2 a dog even if it came with money. Who would want one anyway? Come on man, just say u felt like a spinning a small yarn (which i like by the way)

Posted by: Dennis | Monday, September 11, 2006

*sigh*
the joys of rural life....

please, please, please, please invite me over again, please!!!!!

(PS: Dennis, that was a true story!)

Posted by: iwaya | Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Actually dennis you are quite right. I don't need a dog-never have. its the people who come to stay with me that love dogs. I would rather have a cat.

I can't imagine owning a Pitbull, its scary. And Jkb, you don't want to know how more frightening mama nini's measure can be!

Posted by: undo | Tuesday, September 12, 2006

This Mama Nini is interesting. Very interesting!

Your story, which I believe is true - is both hilarious and sad; Mama Nini and '60 days' (why 60 and not 28 or 50?) of sleepless nights had me laughing uncontrollably, but Agi's very painful end spoilt that! I love dogs; do really love dogs. Cats are lovable but rather selfish creatures.

Dennis, what is this about bachelors not keeping dogs? A dog can really make a bachelors lonely moments worth it; dogs are certainly more loyal and decided than a girlfriend(s).

Posted by: Basawad | Wednesday, September 13, 2006

This Mama Nini is interesting. Very interesting!

Your story, which I believe is true - is both hilarious and sad; Mama Nini and '60 days' (why 60 and not 28 or 50?) of sleepless nights had me laughing uncontrollably, but Agi's very painful end spoilt that! I love dogs; do really love dogs. Cats are lovable but rather selfish creatures.

Dennis, what is this about bachelors not keeping dogs? A dog can really make a bachelors lonely moments worth it; dogs are certainly more loyal and decided than a girlfriend(s).

Posted by: Basawad | Wednesday, September 13, 2006

This Mama Nini is interesting. Very interesting! Your story, which I believe is true - is both hilarious and sad; Mama Nini and '60 days' (why 60 and not 28 or 50?) of sleepless nights had me laughing uncontrollably, but Agi's very painful end spoilt that! I love dogs; do really love dogs. Cats are lovable but rather selfish creatures.

Dennis, what is this about bachelors not keeping dogs? A dog can really make a bachelors lonely moments worth it; dogs are certainly more loyal and decided than a girlfriend(s).

PS/ I AM HAVING A PROBLEM TRYING TO POST THIS COMMENT. I HOPE IT GOES THROUGH.

Posted by: Basawad | Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I hate dogs with every fibre of my body. That's hate, spelt F-E-A-R. I tell people i had a bad experiance with this huge dog that i had to fight off as a child and got traumatised. The reality is it was a small puppy, small but fierce. and maybe i wasnt a kid and i had a stick. The point is I hate cats. They're lazy and susupiscious looking, like they're just sitting there scheming away.
For the longest time I've been looking to buy a tshirt that says: "I love animals...(on the back) they taste great."

Posted by: Just Rich | Sunday, September 17, 2006

I know a chap who is more dedicated to his dogs that to his girlfriend.

Iwaya, your pass is in the mail

Posted by: undo | Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I was once travelling upcountry. You know, just after the third liberation since 1980. A lorry, atop a lorry; a seven tonner, ladden to the envy of an ass; add 20 people as toppings. Don't laugh as that was a first rate road transport.

So, we held the rails until the next stop. Well, the next stop happened shortly and a mechanic was required. I and a consanguine decided a trip upfront fore night would do fine.

Now, the chilly muddy tracks for company was very eery. From a distance, through the moonlight I saw a small creature emerge. I held Mike's hand and pointed to that thing 40 yards away.

'Ah! it is just a small thing'' said Mike. Let us move on before it is very late.
So on we moved and closer this animal got to us. A cat, it is a cat.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........

That night I broke the 200 meter world record. I sprinted into the air and floated forever. But As you can see, I survived the cat. Mike also survived the feline. But what went wrong?

You see, this cat grew to twice my height and growled like a famished lion.
For my flight and fright, I ended up on a hospital bed afflicted by chickenpox and a prescription of ppf.

You see the drift ummmm. no cats for me.

Posted by: Ariaka | Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Ariaka is getting me going. I really dig his style. And always, as I say, kudos to the writer who manages to lead you to no where....I was looking forward to the part where the cat becomes a dog. So we can all hate it heartily.

Actually I don't hate dogs. There's a fellow called Gypsy about this high. He rubs his nose into you knees and when he flicks his tail and hits a chair, the chair shifts..

Posted by: HipFlaskSwigger | Friday, October 06, 2006

Thanks HipFlaskSwigger for the complement. But my subconcious tells me though. You are poor with words. You are poorer with your writing and; poorest with ideas.

The cat did not transform to a dog. But the sentiment is complete. Cats! yucks!!! Hey, but they can nice. Precision hunters they are. Have ever watched a cat hunt. Prawl. Dead still and ...... spring.

You even like them better, if the prey is a snaaaaaakkkkeeeee. A puffy cobra. Fangy adder of slimy mamba green or black.

Ha! dogs are perfect, there biggest weapon is psycology. GRRRRRRRRrr and you are off. Shouting maamama nyaabo, nfa. FEAR.

Once in 1992 I was taking my morning jog at MUK. Just after 6.00 am in the morning off bull roasters den onto pool road to complex hall, down to box. A lonely run and the morning really sweat and cool. A perfect occasion for a thoughtful jog

A dog barks. woo wooo. No effect at all as this fades far in the medula oblangata. Box rather lumbox and another bark. Same effect. No effect. Just some canines reassuring their lords.

Up towards technology, right turn; up JICA building, roundabout down Nkrumah, down Cote. Haa new Mulago.What a beautiful; quite auraral sight, the sun rising above the hospital a sight to behold. Home stretch and an encounter with a pack of dogs.

Now. These dogs retreat into the bush on my approach. Ahha what a relief. Surely they would respect my tiring legs; sweaty and beady torso, legs armpits.

Boowbooww booww. They are noisy beasts, these dogs. Even on a hunt. It is never stealth and tact like them cats. It is noisy and messy. But this time Iam the hunted.

And predicatably, it comes to my notice. My adrenalin surges. When you are hunted you are wild. That is a shared thing with us folks in the animal kingdom.

I run wildly uphill. The dogs are just accelerating as I tire. But the rush of fresh and worm blood mean oxygenised muscles. I carry on. One dog sniffs my calf. I surge forth. Turn the corner to Mitchell car park and leap on a packed car.

Up there I gaze down on them hopeless hunters. Ever noticed how silly a dog looks; a cat in the trees, a dog barking hopelessly down under.

Phew. Rrelief. The askari notices the activity and comes to my rescue. The beasts scamper and down I climb and trot to the a bathroom for a cold shower.

HipFlaskSwigger, this name is a mouthful. Actually a tongue twister. Suggestion. Try HFS or something.

By the way what happened on Monday. Thought we a had a deal for date to swig. Not so?

Posted by: ARIAKA | Thursday, October 12, 2006

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